Quotes from my leavers' book

(I left out all the gushy, oh my God its the last day of school, I love you, keep in touch and never leave me! messages.)


"What can I say? If it weren't for you, I might never have become the stunning linguist I am now!" ~ Simon "The DGFG stands for Deutscher German & French Genius" Waston

"I will stalk you for the rest of my life, so don't turn around."

"I've been scared to bring in my school diary since you wrote all that stuff over it. If any of the teachers found it, I'd be suspended, you bastard."

"I'm glad you were there for me when the Polish tramp stole my crisps. It was truly traumatic."

"Thanks for bunking German with me."

"Remember to leben and leben lassen, you tyrant. And leave the girls alone."

"There's only one Dennis Bergkamp!
One Dennis Bergkamp!
We're walking along,
Singing a song,
Walking in a Bergkamp Wonderland!"

"I don't know how you ever learnt anything, but I hope you're proud of your cardboard box when you fail everything in life. Just kidding. Actually I'm not."

"Have a great time at uni and don't get nostalgic about school. Remember it's crap."

"My penis is bigger than yours."

"In the two years I've known you, I've only wanted two things. Luckily, I got that carton of Rubicon, and also a ride in your car. Sorry for weighing it down and the stains ought to fade in time."

"Dear Ethan, lay off the Lucozade. Don't get stabbed either. Thems both heavy shit."

"You're the main reason I applied to Aberdeen."

"You'll get by with your personality. Don't worry about grades. They're for nerds."

"I really hope that if an evil dictator takes over the world, it will be you."

"Hey Dancing Boy, keep shaking that thang. Remember, we've got you on tape. When I get my licence we're going to boyrace round Chingford, just like our idols, Blazin' Squad."

"You're quirky and cute. Don't grow any taller - I don't want to talk to your dick."

"I don't remember anything from GCSE physics but you and that damn finger skateboard."

"Unfortunately, I know where you live, so there's no escaping me."

"TO ETHAN. I WOULD MOST LIKE TO SEE YOU AGAIN TO BE IN YOUR COMPANY AND SEE YOU AGAIN I WOULD LIKE. MOST. SEE YOU AGAIN. ~MOJO JOJO"

"Dear Ethan, people are passing your Leavers' Book around. You really ought to keep an eye on it. Someone you don't like might sign it. While I'm here, you're a fucking twat."

"Mr Blane hates you. In other news, water is found to be wet."

"Thanks for sharing your love life with me. I lived through you. Maybe someday I'll get laid too."

"I'm glad I'll never see you again. From what I do know of you, you're cool, so I guarantee you'd be a disappointment. Remember: Put him back in, THEN zip up."

"I may have stayed an extra year, but thanks to you I know I'm not the biggest idiot here."

"Good luck to you Ethan. I presume that's how you got this far and you're such a nice guy I wouldn't want you to fail just because you're an idle, lazy bum."

"I don't know why I'm signing this, Ethan. I live on your street. All I can say is, please don't hit on my mum while I'm at uni. Nor when I'm back. Or when I'm anywhere else. Just please don't hit on my mum."