Well, we all knew it would happen sooner or later. It's one of those stupid 'get to know your friends better!!11' questionnaire emails. The idea is you fill in the answers that apply to you and forward it to all your friends INCLUDING (and here's the important bit) the person who sent it to you.

Actually, I didn't get this through an email, I came across it through a random series of links I no longer remember taking, but I thought I'd fill it in and impose it apon your unsuspecting eyes. So "David", whomever you happen to be and however I came across your questionnaire, you probably won't get this back, which - I know, I know - defies the purpose of the email, but hey, I'm Ethan, not Mr. Givacrap. Nice to meet you!

THREE NAMES I GO BY:
1. Ethan
2. Eths
3. DeMon (first five letters of my surname, which was the subject of ridicule for many years at school. I'm scarred, I tell you. Scarred.)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My gorgeous visage.
2. My technically good physique.
3. Caesar. Yes, he's called Caesar.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Erm... my lips are a bit dry at the moment.
2. ...?
3. ...?

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. English
2. Imightpossiblyhaveabitofcoughfrenchcoughinmebutwedontliketotalkaboutthat
3. Erm.. more English.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Girls trying to own me.
2. My mum in a bad mood.
3. When girls gang up on you for telling them to embark on a group unbunching of their panties.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Eh? I don't get it really. Erm... soap.
2. Hair wax.
3. Comb.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Boxers.
2. Erm... hair wax.
3. N/A

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Blur.
2. Oasis.
3. Aerosmith.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Freedom.
2. Hugs.
3. Debates.

THREE TRUTHS:
1. I will never understand women.
2. I will never attempt to understand women.
3. I will never consider attempting to understand women.

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Hilarious sense of humour.
2. Ability to behave as childishly as I.
3. Ambition.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Chatting for far too long on the net.
2. Playing football/basketball or going to the gym.
3. Partying.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Get my extended family out of my house.
2. Make all the important calls etc I have to do on Monday.
3. Erm. Get laid? Dunno. I'm pretty hung up on all the stuff I have to do on Monday.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Lawyer.
2. Diplomat.
3. Living off the fat of the land. (My parents' land anyway).

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Back to Florida!! Wooo!
2. Touring one of the continents. Not fussy.
3. Germany. I love Germany.

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. What? Do they give them up when they come of age? Zaphod.
2. Ford.
3. Arthur.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Bring down the Labour Party.
2. Earn a shitload of money.
3. Erm... achieve immortality.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY/GIRL:
1. Wearing the same underwear for a week is not 'disgusting'. It's economical.
2. The offside rule is not that complicated.
3. Beer is the way forward.

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Catherine Zeta Jones.
2. Salma Hayek.
3. Cindy Crawford.